I am fortunate in having heard well-known behaviour consultant, Madhavi Nawana Parker speak on this topic, and below I have summarised some of her key recommendations regarding the vital role that parents play.
- Do not rescue your child. To enable students to become successful people, we need to let them fall, and to face natural (safe) consequences. Examples given are making a special trip into school because your child left his or her homework at home. The consequence: your child will have to explain to the teacher what has happened, make an alternative arrangement and possibly spend some time at school doing it. This will not harm your child. This will, however, be an important experience in fostering personal organisation and resilience. According to Madhavi and other experts in the field, rescuing children only teaches them that they do not need to be organised, nor that you have faith in their ability to handle their own problems. If you work with the school in these situations, your children will be the winners.
“Prepare your child for the road. Don’t try to prepare the road for your child.”
Madhavi Nawana Parker 2024
- Have a list on the wall of the independent steps required to be efficient before and after school (perhaps with pictures for young children). For example, the morning list might say bathroom, breakfast, dishes, teeth, lunchbox, tidy room. Another list could establish the habit of doing as many independent tasks as possible the night before. Remember that every child is capable of assisting in the home.
- Consider establishing a quiet time when the whole family is doing homework, including you. Don’t do their homework for them, but it is suggested that you have a homework consultation time (“I am available for homework advice between 6:00 and 8:00pm”) to help alleviate procrastination. Stick to your time as this assists the development of organisation skills.
- Be pleased for your child when classes, extracurricular teams, Investig8 groups or camp activities are mixed, as they are given opportunities to expand their friendship group. In previous schools I have seen parents unsettle their child by stressing about student activity groupings. Please remember to show that you trust your child’s judgement, and that of their teachers.
- Be solution-focused when dealing with problems. Ask, “What do you think you could do about that?” rather than telling or lecturing them.
- Offer encouragement, love and optimism. Show that you believe they can perform tasks and sort out minor issues for themselves. Try to put incidents “to bed” at the time so the facts don’t get distorted. A catastrophe scale works well here: is it an ant or an elephant? In the past I have seen parents racing into school to sort out an ‘ant’ for their child, under the misguided belief that they are helping. Remember that children actually take pride in doing things themselves. Please also remember that we teach as a profession because we love to help children flourish, and that we have the best interests of the children in mind when making decisions. Student outcomes are maximised when parents work with our wonderful Investigator teachers as partners and offer mutual support.
